I'm am free!

This is going to be a very personal post. This is also going to contain some information about me that some of you may or may not know about.  As I mentioned in my first post, please do not judge me.

I have had my last cigarette!!!!! I am free from the horrible habit. I have been smoking off and on for the last 10 years. Some years were better then others. I have made countless promises to my husband to quit smoking. "I'll quit when we get married. I'll quit before our honeymoon. I'll quit when we have our baby" I did quit when I found out I was pregnant and never wanted a cigarette the whole time I was pregnant and didn't even think of them when we got home from the hospital. However that only lasted 4 months and I started smoking again. Never around my baby and never while she was awake. The guilt has tortured me. I have always told myself I would quit tomorrow or next week, but when it came down to it, I got scared and stressed about it and would start more fervently then ever. I then promised I would quit before we moved to Ireland cause the cigarettes taste different and we wouldn't have any money. I brought two American packs with me and blew through those in about 2 weeks because of all the stress. Then I had to start borrowing money from my brother-in-law to help pay for the habit. But it was him that helped me quit. See he too had been a smoker, but his boss gave him a book by Allen Carr "Easy Way To Stop Smoking" It worked for him and he hasn't looked back since. He got the book for me and I started to read it a few chapters a day, but then it came down to making the decision I just couldn't do it. "I'll finish it next week after this last pack." Well there was never a last pack. I just couldn't do it.
I have made the decision tonight and finished the book and had my last cigarette.I am no longer going to need the crutch of the "nicotine monster". Allen Carr was a 100 a day smoker and could never quit. He quit using his method and has never looked back. The book has sold nine million copies and has countless  testimonials. What he tells you is that you have nothing to fear about smoking, but the complete opposite, you have so much to gain. He runs through the different types of smokers and the different ways people can quit. The willpower method doesn't work, cause you just tell yourself that you are depriving or sacrificing, but what that does is tell your brain that you really want it. Also using the patches, gum or any other nicotine filled step down drug doesn't work either because you are still feeding the monster inside you. What you get is freedom and all the reasons people smoke in the first place (social occasion, stress, boredom) you will only be able to handle better as a non-smoker. (I know many of you wouldn't say it, but please no "well we've know this all along" comments.) Quiting smoking is not quiting a nicotine habit, but beating the psychological monster in your brain. I have vowed to myself that I've had the last cigarette and so will it be.

 Why am I telling you all this? If you didn't know I smoked I could have happily hid this from you and not felt the guilty about what I was doing, especially to all my church friends. I am telling you this cause this is a very big day for me and my life. I am very proud of what I have decided tonight and I know I will be proud the rest of my life for making this choice. I am also telling you because I feel it will make me more accountable and I can reread this post whenever I am feeling down and remind myself about how wonderful I felt the moment I put out my last cigarette. To be honest my feelings are very all over the place. I feel like I could cry I am so excited/anxious and happy. I know I can do this. I am a stubborn individual when I want to be. I am not making this choice for anyone else but myself. I am tired of feeling ashamed of smoking or hiding it from people. I want to start feeling better not only physically but mentally.I want to feel better about myself and about who I am. I am ready to start a new life not only here in Ireland but as a non-smoker.

Thank you all for reading this. I hope you are as proud of me as I am!

oíche mhaith